


Shattered Glass

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 03:30:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4903924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“When we talk about you and me, we should be the main focus.  No need to do it just to refute speculation about something else.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shattered Glass

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for episode 15 x 06, October Surprise.
> 
> This story was written for svuandmariskaaddict’s prompt of jealous. It started out going in one direction and then the characters did a complete 180 on me. I hope she likes it anyway.

“Counselor, we…” Olivia walked into the ADA’s office. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the two of them. “What's going on?”

“Sergeant Benson,” Barba stood from the couch and cleared his throat. “This is…”

“I know who she is. Mrs. Munoz, your being here isn't a good idea.”

Yelena Munoz stood as well, smoothing out her red cocktail dress. Olivia wondered what she was so dressed up for, long gone were the days of rubber chicken dinners and glad handing with the upper echelon. Did Mrs. Munoz normally dress like this? She looked from the former mayoral candidate’s wife to the ADA. He looked as if he'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Barba couldn’t even look in Olivia’s eyes. She gritted her teeth together to keep from going off.

“The DA’s office is indicting your husband on a number of offenses.” She said. “It was careless of you, at the very least, to be here without an attorney present.”

“Thank you for your concern, Sergeant…Benson did you say?” Yelena almost smirked. “But I'm a big girl and can handle myself.”

“Ma'am…” Olivia had just about had it.

“Rafi,” Yelena turned to look at Rafael and started speaking in a persistent and slightly annoyed Spanish.

Rafael held up his hands. He didn’t like her tone and didn’t like being talked at. This was such a bad idea and once again he'd been caught up in the web. Jesus, would he ever be over this weakness? No, he was over it and had been for some time. Her coming in here wearing that dress and talking that talk wasn’t going to change it. This has been over for so long and Rafael would let no one drag him back.

“Mrs. Munoz,” he said. “The Sergeant is just as fluent in Spanish as you and I. She’s also right. At this time it’s irresponsible of you to speak to anyone from this office without an attorney present. Nothing in our past relationship is going to stop me from doing my job and prosecuting your husband to the fullest extent of the law. You are not welcome here in any capacity other than witness. You need to leave.”

“They really twisted your mind, Rafi. You wouldn’t even be here if not for Alex. He was the one who always had your back.”

Rafael didn’t answer. There were so many things he could’ve said, beginning with Alex having nothing to do with his success. After college they all but lost touch except for seeing each other in the old neighborhood and the occasional lunch or dinner. Maybe his old friend had kept him afloat during high school…the work had been easy for Rafael but the world, not so much. What did any of that matter anymore? He’d given Alex Munoz the pound of flesh he owed him years ago, and had surely lost more in return than he gained.

“Shall I help you find your way, Mrs. Munoz?” Olivia asked. She’d just about had enough of what was happening here.

“I can see myself out, thank you.”

Yelena took her coat from the back of the couch and walked out of the room. She made sure to brush her body past Rafael’s when doing so. Olivia turned to watch her go and then put her eyes back on the ADA. He looked ashen, nauseous, almost as if he was going to pass out. She went to close the door. Whoever was still around didn’t need to hear what was going to happen next.

“Don’t say anything.” He held up his hands, defensive. “I'm sure you want to say it but I can't…I don’t want to hear it. I can't deal…”

“I wasn’t going to say anything.”

“Oh right.” He looked at her.

“Rafael…”

“Please.” His voice cracked and he hated himself for it. “We cannot have this conversation right now. I need a moment, excuse me.”

Olivia had never seen a person leave a room so quickly without actually running. She wanted to go after him but wasn’t sure how he would react if she did. The office was mostly quiet this time of the evening, she heard him go into the bathroom. Then she heard the vomiting. Olivia sighed, she didn’t want him going through this alone. The Munoz camp was playing way below the belt and for some reason Barba’s boss refused to allow him recuse himself. 

It took some time but the retching and coughing finally stopped. Olivia didn’t hear anything for what seemed like too long. She left the office and started walking down the hall to check on him. A loud noise, almost like a gunshot, followed by the sound of shattering glass, echoed off the walls. She broke out into a run and burst through the bathroom door like the cavalry.

“Rafael!” she shouted, rushing over to the sinks.

“I'm fine, I'm alright.” He mumbled, holding his hand as blood gushed everywhere.

“Oh my god, you are not alright.”

There was glass all over the sink and floor. He looked sick at the sight of his own blood and Olivia brushed off the wave of nausea that came over her. She grabbed him, pushing him toward another sink and turning on the cold water. There was blood all over and small glass shards embedded in his skin. He whimpered in pain when she forced the hand under the water.

“Don’t move.” She ordered, taking off her blazer. It took some strength but she tore the sleeve off from the seam and tried to wrap the hand as best she could. “We need to get to the ER.”

“I'm fine. I think I'm going to be sick but I'm fine.”

“Dammit Rafael, c'mon.”

He actually tried to fight her. Olivia didn’t care if she had to drag him out of there kicking and screaming, they were going to the hospital. This was not a papercut. How would they even explain this to the cleaning staff? None of that mattered at the moment. He was bleeding and in pain. Olivia needed to take care of that first. Hopefully the rest would fall into place once she'd done so.

***

“Sergeant Benson?” the doctor stepped into the waiting area. “I'm Dr. Shaw.”

“Is he alright?” Olivia stood too quickly, almost spilled coffee all over her pants.

“He's alright.” She nodded. “There was a lot of glass and a lot of blood but thankfully most of the wounds weren't incredibly deep. There was no cutting of the tendons though we had to give him eight stitches over three different wounds. He's going to be in some pain for at least the next 7 to 10 days so I wrote a script for some Tylenol 3 to help him sleep. 

“The wound should stay wrapped for five to seven days and then unwrapped to heal properly. We expect him back in two weeks to remove the stitches. I would’ve gone with dissolvable but any hand injury should be looked at again to double check for permanent damage. From the amount of bleeding, even from the smaller cuts nerve damage is always a possibility.”

“OK.” She nodded, trying to take in all she heard.

“He might be loopy right now from the meds. Not every patient responses the same to them. It’s best to only take them at bedtime. If he experiences pain during the day something like a Motrin or Naproxen should diminish it to a dull thud.”

“OK. Can I see him?”

“Of course, follow me. I'm sure you're used to hospital situations and the different reactions people may have to medications but I’ll again warn you that he could be loopy.”

They went back into the emergency area, busy as ever for a Wednesday evening. Rafael was lying in a bed and he looked miserable. His eyes were closed, bandaged hand clutched close to his chest, and his face was tearstained.

“Mr. Barba, Sergeant Benson is going to take you home now. I let her know everything about the wound just in case you forget because of the medication we gave you.”

“I'm good.” Barba didn’t even bother to open his eyes. “I don’t need help.”

“OK, Mr. Barba. I’ll be seeing you in a couple of weeks.”

“Dr. Shaw, how often should I change the wound?” Olivia asked. She'd picked up the plastic bag resting beside Rafael. It was filled with gauze, tape, bandages, and antiseptics.

“Three times a day. Unwrap, clean, put on the antibiotic ointment, and then rewrap. There are some typed instructions in the bag. There are also warning signs to look for infections. If you see anything please bring him back to the hospital immediately.”

“I will.” Olivia nodded. “Thanks.”

After the doctor was gone, Rafael opened his eyes and sat up. He didn’t say a word and couldn’t look at Olivia directly. It wasn’t easy, but he got up from the bed on his own and started walking away. Olivia decided to just follow and keep her thoughts to herself. Her car was parked directly outside the ER…one of the perks of being a police officer. 

He got himself into the passenger side just fine but struggled with the seatbelt. After three attempts, grumbles of frustration, and some Spanish expletives, Rafael just gave up. Normally Olivia would’ve given someone hell for not strapping in but he'd been through enough tonight. She wanted to help him but couldn’t quite gauge his mood. Better to just drive home and not make a fuss.

It was raining as Olivia pulled out onto the busy New York street. She put on the windshield wipers and to combat the drone of them going back and forth, she turned on the radio. Pushing several buttons until she found something that wouldn’t drive her or her passenger crazy, Olivia settled on some soft rock. A Breathe song was just beginning.

 _If only I'd tried a little harder_  
 _To reach this goal_  
 _To reach your soul_  
 _If only we'd been a little closer_  
 _If only we'd pulled together_  
 _I'll try to leave behind_  
 _This sense of wasted time_  
 _So much promise we denied_  
 _If only I'd let go of my pride_  
 _Cast my doubts and fears aside_  
 _All this I should have known_  
 _All this I should have known_ …

“I feel nauseous.” Rafael groaned.

“I’ll open the window some.” Olivia said as she did it. “It’s probably the medicine. When was the last time you ate?”

“What time is it?”

That was enough to answer her question. Rafael was usually appalled by fast food so she tried to think of a quick and easy alternative. Pete’s Corner Deli was nearly smack in the middle of the ride between the hospital and Rafael’s condo. She would stop there for soup and sandwiches.

“How does that sound?” she asked.

“OK.”

There wasn’t much more to say so they didn’t speak to one another. Breathe turned into Fleetwood Mac, who turned into Don Henley and then Luther Vandross. Finally when Celine Dion started singing about nothing being broken but her heart, Rafael had had enough. He reached over and turned the radio off. After he did it, he finally glanced up at Olivia. She didn’t say anything and kept her eyes on the road. When she pulled up in front of Pete’s, she put on the blinkers.

“You're going to double park?” Rafael asked as she opened the driver’s door. “Right here?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “I’ll be right back.”

Rafael wasn’t so sure about that. Pete’s could be crowded any time of the day or evening. The food was delicious and people could take out or eat in. He didn’t know how long he was going to be sitting in the car, in pain, and forced to listen to the windshield wipers going back and forth. Reluctantly, he turned the radio back on. It was better than listening to the sounds of his own thoughts telling him what a goddamn idiot he was. What had he been thinking to let this happen and how was he going to make it right?

***

“It’s really important that you eat.” Olivia said. She put the bag from Pete’s on the counter along with the plastic bag from the ER. “I know it might not be easy but it’ll be easier than being over the toilet again later with nausea.”

“Yeah.” Rafael flopped down on his couch. How was he going to get his clothes off with the majority of his hand bandaged? How would he get dressed tomorrow?

“Tomorrow morning you'll surely be in pain. The doctor said naproxen or Motrin would be alright. You should only have the Tylenol 3 before bed.”

“Right.”

Olivia looked at him for a moment. He was sitting on the couch looking pitiful and angry. She didn’t think she'd ever seen him look so angry before. For a while he held his hand to his chest but then dropped it in his lap, defeated. She took the soup and half a sandwich from the bag and brought it over to him. Most likely he'd end up falling asleep on the couch tonight. He looked like he barely had the energy to lie back and let go much less actually get up and walk to the bedroom.

“Well,” she sighed. “If you don’t need anything else I’ll go. I’ll call in the morning to make sure you're alright. Goodnight.”

“Liv?”

She was at the door when he called her name. Olivia turned and went back. Rafael was looking at her, his eyes wet with the tears. She was sure he would damn himself if they fell. She was sure that her heart would break.

“Could you…could you stay?” he cleared his throat. “I understand if you can't, but…”

“No, I can stay.” She sat down on the couch.

“I've done some dumb things in my life. This might be the dumbest.”

“I don’t know about dumb. Our emotions aren’t always something we can control. Despite what may happen when we let go of decorum, I still think it’s better that way.”

“Yelena thinks I'm still in love with her. She thinks she can use the things she used in high school to bend me to her will.” He wasn’t looking at her. It was difficult, and painful, but he was opening the paper wrapped around the turkey sandwich.

“Are you still in love with her?” Olivia asked. 

She didn’t want to know the answer. The truth was that Yelena Munoz was beautiful. She was beautiful, smart, and tough as hell. She was from the same Bronx neighborhood as Rafael; could relate to him in ways that other people could not. If he'd known her nearly as long as Alex and Eddie then strong feelings remaining between the two of them wasn’t out of the realm of possibility.

“I never was.” He shook his head. Then he looked at Olivia. “Do you remember that I told you that I was a portly kid?”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t lose most of that weight until college, so I was still chubby in high school. I talked so much shit, a defense mechanism mostly, but I had a decent group of friends to stop me from getting my ass kicked on a regular basis. Yelena was part of that group. She was as beautiful then as she is today. I can admit to pining after her, the idea of her, as any teenage boy would do. 

“But even then I knew she was dangerous. I couldn’t put it all together in my head…I was going through enough just trying to grow up. She got friendlier and friendlier with me but it was always about Alex. He was beating the girls off with a stick, which as you know he's still doing today. Yelena wanted him and used any means she could to make it happen. I was those means. 

“Over the years she would come around, stroking my arm, making feeble attempts at apologies for loving who she loved and never meaning to hurt me. Every time I tried to tell her that I just didn’t give a damn, she wouldn’t accept it. In the end I think it was too much for her ego to bear. I was never mad at her for supposedly deceiving me; I saw it coming. I lost Alex though…that’s what really hurt.”

“Alex picked Yelena over you.” Olivia said.

“I don't know if that’s what it was or just that he picked her period. Alex was never dumb, he had to know or at least suspect she was cuddling up to me to get closer to him. He dated her anyway. He married her. What if she would’ve broken my heart? 

“It never even occurred to him to put my feelings first. I should’ve known then what kind of person I was dealing with.” Rafael sighed. “But we were 17, what 17 year old isn't selfish as hell. I guess they were two sides of the same coin so it worked out.”

“It didn’t work out for your hand.”

“I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.” Rafael shook his head. It wasn’t easy to eat soup and a sandwich with one hand but he was making it work. He was starving. “It hurts.”

“Even with the codeine?” Olivia asked.

“Yes. Without the codeine I would be curled into a ball crying my eyes out. With it, I feel just enough to remember what an idiot I am.”

“I don’t think you're an idiot.” She put her hand on his shoulder.

“Split this sandwich with me. I probably won't be able to finish it and you haven’t eaten anything. Go on, take from the side I didn’t bite.”

Olivia nodded and tore the sandwich in half. They ate in silence for a while. For the first time tonight there was nothing uncomfortable or tense about it. Olivia had more things she wanted to say but now wasn’t the time. She'd been struck by something she hadn’t felt in some time when she walked into Barba’s office and seen Yelena Munoz…jealousy. 

She thought she knew Rafael well, there was no way he was going to have an affair with a married woman. That went double for the wife of someone indicted on a slew of charges. Still, the familiarity between them, Rafael’s body language; she'd walked in on something. It didn’t make her feel good that Rafael actually hated the woman. Nothing about tonight made her feel good. All she wanted to do was make sure that someone she cared about was going to be alright.

“How am I going to tie a tie with this thing on?” he asked, holding up the bandage.

“Tell me that’s not what you're thinking about right now.” Olivia glanced at him.

“It’s a viable question.”

“I’ll make sure your ties are courtroom ready.”

“For two weeks?” Rafael asked.

“For as long as you need me to.”

“Liv, I…”

“I know.” She said.

“I don’t think you do.” he shook his head.

“I do.” she looked at him and smiled.

“So you're not going to let me say it?”

“Not tonight. It’s been a long night; you’ve been through enough. When we talk about you and me, we should be the main focus. No need to do it just to refute speculation about something else.”

“I almost understood that.” It was Rafael’s turn to smile. “I think I've eaten all I can.”

“Do you still feel nauseous?” Olivia asked.

“A little, but I think I probably just need to go to bed.”

“You'll need help getting undressed.”

“Definitely.” He hated to admit it but what was the point of lying anyway. She was here. He asked her to stay and she stayed.

“OK, c'mon.” she stood up from the couch and offered him a hand.

Rafael let her help him from the couch and they walked to the bedroom together. She'd never been in there but now wasn’t the time to be worried about such things. They would talk later, he would tell her what he was thinking and feeling. It didn’t make a lot of sense to hide it anymore. Some would say that she was just a good friend to do what she'd done tonight and on many other occasions. 

Rafael wouldn’t say those people were wrong. He had never been good at reading women and figuring out what they were figuring out when it came to the antiquated ways of the mating ritual. But Olivia was different. She wasn’t different because she was ‘not like other women’. She was different because she was Olivia, and for him she was supposed to be different.

“Can I just say that I appreciate you?” Rafael asked.

“You can say that.” She replied. “Though anyone would’ve done what I did tonight.”

“It has so little to do with what happened tonight.”

She was loosening his tie, which went onto the bed, and unbuttoning his dress shirt. He wasn’t sure the blood was ever going to come out…he might have to declare that a loss. He was able to help some when it came time to pull off the suspenders. Luckily, since he wasn’t in court Rafael hadn’t worn a vest today. He wiggled a little when Olivia undid his slacks. She didn’t unzip them, just needed enough space to pull his shirt out. Then she made him sit on the bed so she could untie his shoes.

“I think you'll be able to handle things from here, Counselor. I’ll be back in the morning to help you dress. Be careful in the shower with the bandages, not that getting them wet is such a big deal since we’ll be changing them, but we’re not sure how different streams of water will affect the wounds.”

“Were you ever a girl scout?” Rafael asked. His tone would’ve been construed as playful if he didn’t sound so slurred. The Tylenol 3, surely bolstered by the food in his belly, was taking over.

“I did brownies and juniors. Then my mother got tired of all the extra things she would have to contribute for me to continue. She was very focused on her career so...” Olivia rolled her eyes. “Will you be alright finishing this up?”

“Yeah, I'm good.”

“If you feel light headed or nauseous, just lie down. No one will fault you for falling asleep half-dressed after the night you had.”

“Thank you, Olivia.”

“Of course.” 

She walked over to the bed, leaning to kiss his forehead. Rafael looked up and her lips pressed against his. He smiled, sheepish, was about to say something but Liv just shook her head. She put her finger on his lips to quiet him and kissed him again. Gently pushing his hair back on his forehead, she pressed a kiss there as well.

“I'm going to clean up dinner and then see myself out. Call me in the morning and I’ll come over to help in any way I can.”

“I will. Goodnight, Olivia.”

“Goodnight, Counselor.”

She walked down the hall from the bedroom and back into the living room. He ate most of his sandwich but didn’t give the soup a lot of love. Since Olivia loved New England clam chowder that was going home with her. She took one more bite of the turkey before wrapping up the last remnants and throwing it in the trash. 

She wiped down the counter and coffee table, but the soup back in the bag, and left the condo. Downstairs in the lobby, the doorman made a phone call. Someone came up from the basement and he handed the person Olivia’s car keys. She stood in the lobby, waiting, and when her car arrived the doorman escorted her to it with a large umbrella.

“Drive safely, Sergeant.”

“Thanks.”

She pulled out into traffic, turning the radio off. She needed the silence to clear her mind. It had been a long evening where nothing had gone as planned. It would take weeks for Rafael’s wounds to heal and longer for the open scars in his soul. Olivia had no business getting personally invested in anything that had to do with this case. 

But no one was going to come after someone she loved and not face her righteous anger. Rafael was someone she loved. Yelena Munoz, on her own or at the behest of her husband, was trying to influence the outcome of this case. The NYPD wasn’t going to let that happen. Olivia would lead the charge if she had to. Having them both in jail wasn’t going to make her lose a night of sleep.

***


End file.
